The Legend of Hercules

10 Jan


The Legend of Hercules is the first of two movies being released this year about the muscle bound son of Zeus and it’s terribly obvious that director Renny Harlin was in a rush to ensure that his film made it to theaters first.

Let’s start with the disjointed scene jumps. This movie has no flow. It appears to jump from one scene to the next in a rush to cover the main points the writers and directors wanted to portray in order to count this film as satisfying a range of genres.

We open with the mighty tyrant Amphitryon (Scott Adkins) marching into Argos and coming to the forefront of a mighty battle to challenge the Argos champion to a winner take all man to man battle in order to spare all of the soldiers present their lives. King Amphitryon of course is victorious, he assumes the mantle of king and as one of his spoils, and he takes Queen Alcmene (Roxanna McKee) as his own. King Amphitryon is your typical tyrant bad guy. He berates the beliefs of his queen and those he rules and mocks their gods. Alcmene prays to Hera for someone to come along and rid her lands of this horrible tyrant and free her and her people. Hera hears her pleas and, rather than being portrayed as the jealous goddess of Greek mythology we all know, she gives her permission for Zeus to impregnate Alcmene with his offspring and informs the queen that the resulting offspring shall be Hercules.

The dead is done with much theatrics, lightning and wind, but no physical manifestation of Zeus. Amphitryon appears as Alcmene is in the throes of passion and in a jealous rage he has his men search the kingdom for the intruder who has defiled his enslaved queen.

Quick scene jump, he is told that his queen has given birth to ‘a large male’. He tells Alcmene that she will name the boy Alcides and decrees that he will always treat his bastard son as inferior to his first born, Iphicles.

We then jump forward 20 years, we see an all grown up Hercules (Kellan Lutz) and we meet his love interest Hebe (Gaia Weiss) as they are out racing through the country side on horseback. They are later busted making out by Hercules’ yellow-bellied older brother Iphicles (Liam Garrigan).

As the movie progresses, a love story is shakily thrown together, along with an older brother’s jealousy as he wishes to have Hebe for his wife. He has his father arrange this and the story limps along with Hercules sent on what is an obviously a pre-arranged death sentence mission to Egypt by Amphitryon to get him out of the way.


As always happens in such movies, the hero survives and manages to come back through a series of unbelievable events.

The CGI sequences are so atrocious it’s laughable. There is a scene in the beginning of the film where Hercules kills what is briefly referred to as the Nemean lion (with no build up or reference to mythology) which is so badly done that it’s a joke.

The film just misses the mark in so many ways. Part of the problem is that it tries too hard to be a love story, action movie, epic drama, and revenge story without ever developing any of those avenues properly. The story just jumps from point to point with seemingly no connection to the previous scene. It reminds me of the cheap B movies that played on Sunday afternoons in my childhood.

I give this movie 4 cheeseburgers.


It is not a total waste of time but then there are much better ways out there to pass a couple hours.


2 Responses to “The Legend of Hercules”

  1. Charles January 10, 2014 at 10:57 am #

    “The Legend of Hercules is the first of two movies being released this summer…” Dude. Look out your window. 🙂

    • DMac January 10, 2014 at 6:21 pm #

      oh hush… I fixed it. I re-wrote this like 10 times

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